Tis the Season
by Super Chocolate Bear
Summary: It's that time of year again, and the many members of the Justice League are all using their time in different ways.
1. The Present Tense

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**The Present Tense**_

Blank orange eyes surveyed the situation before him. An already heavy brow creased in a frown.

He had faced many things in his not inconsiderable life span. And yet, nothing quite like this.

His incredibly complex mind focused on the problem.

No solution was forthcoming.

Cautiously, carefully, he pulled up one side of the limp paper and tried to fold it over the box. Then, the other side…

He froze. How did humans do this with only two arms?

J'onn J'onnz sighed and released the wrapping paper, letting his head rest on his hands.

It seemed he would have to use himself as the wrapping.

Again.


	2. Butter Pecan

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Butter Pecan**_

"Ho ho explode!"

'Santa' threw the present at Flash, who, predictably, moved out of the way before it had even left his enemies' hand.

The present exploded as it hit the floor.

Ralph scowled. He hated supervillains. Mysteries, he liked. Supervillains? Not so much. Not that anyone else liked supervillains, but he had a particular distaste for them. In fact-

"Watch it, Ralph!"

The rubber band man snapped out of his daze in time to see another present explode in front of him, sending him hurtling backwards across the icy street and through a large window.

Painfully and unsurprisingly (considering his usual luck), Ralph landed on a banquet table before falling down and rolling along the ground as gracefully as a panicking cow.

"Ugh…"

He opened his eyes, and, becoming increasingly aware of the well dressed group of people staring down at him, flipped to his feet and struck a heroic pose. One of the women in particular was giving him a concerned look.

She actually looked kind of pretty in that pink dress.

Ralph looked around. He had obviously fell into some debutant ball, and wasn't really dressed for the occasion. He stuck his head up as Superman-ly as he could manage.

"Not to worry, ladies and gentlemen, I'll have this cleared up-"

The doors sprang open, and Flash zipped in, looking around the room quickly as snow rushed in behind him. His lens-covered eyes found Ralph, and he smiled.

"I got him!"

Ralph sighed. That was all it took.

"Look, it's the Flash!"

"Flash, over here-"

"-my daughter just loves you-"

"-your autograph? I don't like to ask, but-"

All eyes were now on the Scarlet Speedster. Not that Ralph was angry at him or anything. This was Central City, after all. It was his city. He was like Elvis. Sinatra, even.

"Why the long face?"

Ralph looked over to the voice in front of him. It was that same woman who had been in the pink dress. He waved a dismissive elongated hand.

"Ah, it's nothing. Don't you want to go talk to the Flash?"

This time she waved a dismissive hand. "I can see him any day. I've never seen you before."

Ralph smiled, and took her hand as he had always been taught to. "I'm Ralph."

She smiled back, and his heart jumped. He wondered if that would happen every time she smiled at him.

"Nice to meet you, Ralph. I'm Sue."

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(A/N: The title of this chapter (and most of the story) comes from a flashback in the opening chapter of the _Justice League _comic miniseries, 'Identity Crisis'.)


	3. Phase 1 Shayera Hol

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Phase One – Shayera Hol**_

Clark smiled pleasantly as he saw the Thanagarian approaching him down the corridor.

"Shayera. I wanted to talk to you."

She looked behind her quickly. "Okay."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. What's the problem?"

"Um… do you want to go to a Christmas dinner?"

"Fine, fine. Who's going?"

"I'm hoping to just make it the original seven-"

"Uh huh, uh huh- listen, I really need to go."

A loud voice echoed down the hallway. "Where'd you go, Birdnose?"

Shayera quickly darted behind Superman's large frame, and the Creeper bounded around the corner, mistletoe lightly held between his thumb and forefinger.

"Hello, Superman!"

"…Creeper."

"Have you seen Birdnose?"

"I… no, I haven't."

The yellow skinned manic reporter took in Clark's uncomfortable demeanour. "You're lying, Superman. Do you know how I know?"

"Um… no."

"Neither do I! Heh!"

"…right. Creeper?"

"Yyyyyyeeeeessss?"

"Why are you looking for Birdnose-"

Shayera elbowed him in the back.

"-Shayera anyway?"

"There was mistletoe above the doorway. She's got to give me a kiss! IT'S CHRISTMAS TRADITION!"

Clark took on his most imposing Superman pose. "Look, either you leave Shayera alone, or you'll have to kiss _me_. Okay?"

Creeper considered it for a moment before giving Superman a big kiss. He skipped off down the corridor happily.

Minutes later, Superman finally spoke.

"Shayera?"

"Yeah?"

"You do realise you're now coming to the next _twenty _Christmas dinners?"

"Yeah."

The Man of Steel nodded. "As long as that's clear."


	4. Phase 2 Batman

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

**_Phase Two – Batman_**

Clark walked over to Bruce confidently, paying no attention to the fact that the Dark Knight didn't even stop his typing at the computer console.

"Bruce, would you-"

"No."

"Y-"

"No."

"Why-"

"I'm busy."

"Doing w-"

"I'm busy."

"What're-"

"I'm. Busy."

"No, you're not."

"Excuse me?"

"I said you're not. I checked. Bane, Clayface, Joker, Penguin, Riddler, Killer Croc, Mad Hatter, Mr Freeze, Poison Ivy, Ra's Al Ghul, Scarecrow, Scarface, Catwoman, K G Beast, Firefly, Roxy Rocket, Rupert Thorne _and _Roland Dagget are all accounted for."

"I-"

"_Also_, Alfred's been kind enough to tell me that all of Bruce Wayne functions are being taken care of by your various friends and colleagues at Wayne Enterprises." Clark smiled. "So you really aren't busy."

Batman scowled. "What time?"

"Seven thirty. You probably already know where."

The Man of Steel all but strutted out of the room.

A low growl emerged from the bottom of Bruce's throat.

_I need a new butler._


	5. The Other Side

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**The Other Side**_

Sam Scudder – Mirror Master - scowled at George Harkness - Captain Boomerang - across the table. He took a sip of his decaf soy latte before speaking.

"Boomer, that was, without a doubt, the _worst _idea any of us have ever had."

The Australian thief cocked an eyebrow.

Scudder's scowl deepened. "The Trickster doesn't count."

Leonard Snart - Captain Cold - slid into place beside Boomerang, sipping at his ice cold milk.

"The ulcer still acting up?" Scudder asked, nodding at the drink.

Cold shrugged. "It never really calmed down."

Boomer carried on as though no-one had spoken. "Look, it's not _my _fault that both Wonder Woman _and _Green Lantern decided to pay Flash a little yuletide visit!"

"Well, perhaps we would have known if you had been willing to buy that portable TV from the pawn shop!"

"That place was highway robbery! I'm not going to throw away money!"

"You _always _have money!"

"Because I don't waste it on portable TVs!"

"No, just Arnold Palmer," Captain Cold remarked, nodding at Boomer's drink.

"My personal taste in drinks has nothing to do with my prowess as a thief."

Scudder nodded. "Couldn't agree more. You have sometaste in drinks."

A sudden silence descended between them.

"I'm sorry," Mirror Master said. "That was low."

Boomer shrugged. "S'all right."

Captain Cold shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Um… this might not be the best time to do this, but…"

From beneath his parka, Cold produced two gift wrapped presents.

Boomerang and Mirror Master looked at the box on the table.

"I thought we said no presents this year," Scudder said matter-of-factly.

Captain Boomerang sighed and put two small wrapped presents on the table. Scudder and Cold looked at him in amazement.

"What? I'm not always a tightarse."

Mirror Master pulled a mirror from his belt, reached in, and pulled out two more presents, laying them on the table.

"But next year, no presents."

"Agreed."

"Too right. I'm not made a' money, ya know."


	6. Phase 3 Green Lantern

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Phase Three: Green Lantern**_

"John?"

"Hmm? Oh. Hey. How's it going?"

Clark smiled. "It's Christmas. What do you think?"

John smiled back. "I know the feeling."

"Anyway, I'm in a bit of a hurry, so I'll get to the point. I'm putting together a Christmas dinner for the original seven members. You know, since we haven't really been together outside of work for a while."

The Green Lantern nodded. "Good idea… I'm in."

"Great. I'll call you later with the details." He turned to leave.

"Wait… does that mean Shayera's coming?"

"…yes… Is that a problem? I thought you two were okay."

"Well… we are. But, uh…" John was silent for a moment. "Can Vixen come?"

"I don't know… I really wanted it to just be the original seven…" Clark looked up at Lantern. "She'll be okay with it, won't she?"

"Oh, I'm sure she'll say she's okay with it."

"Right. So there's no problem."

"Yes, there is. She'll _say _she's okay with it. In fact, she'll probably say, 'Go on, have a good time.'"

Clark just shrugged. He still wasn't getting it.

"And then she'll say, 'Really. _I'm fine_.'"

Realisation hit.

"But she won't be fine, will she?"

John shook his head. "No. She will not. And she'll keep it all locked away inside and let it out in angry spurts so long afterwards I'll have forgotten why she's angry at me. And I suffer. A lot. So you don't mind making an exception, do you?"

Superman sighed. "Well… under the circumstances… I suppose not."

"Right. I've got to go."

"Me too. I'll call you later."

"Right."

Green Lantern took to the air and landed on a teleporter pad down below.

Clark turned to go, and nearly bumped into Green Arrow.

"Oh. Hello, Clark. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Ollie. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm good, I'm good…"

"Good."

Clark made to go past Ollie.

"So… you're having a dinner party, huh?"

The Man of Steel sighed. "Look, Ollie, I'd like to invite you, I would, but…"

"I get it, I get it. Original members only. It's a nice idea. But, y'know, now that Vixen's coming…"

"That was a special case."

"Of course, of course, I understand that. A special case."

Clark sighed.

"I'll call you and Dinah with the details later."

"Much obliged, Supes."


	7. Phase 4 Flash

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Phase Four: Flash**_

A gust of wind was the only warning Clark got before a Santa Claus hat was haphazardly slammed on his head, the fluffy rim covering his eyes.

"Hey Supes!"

The Man of Steel pulled up the hat so that he was wearing it properly.

"How's it goin'?"

As much as he tried, Clark couldn't be annoyed at Wally.

"I'm fine, Wally. How're you?"

He shrugged. "Eh. Can't complain. Hey, I hear you're putting together a Christmas dinner for the original seven. Nice."

"Can you make it?"

"For you guys? Sure." He shifted from foot to foot nervously. "Uh… I _do _have a favour to ask, though."

"Yes…?"

"Could I bring Linda?"

Clark sighed. "Wally… it's really just meant to be the original seven…"

"But you invited Vixen! And Green Arrow! And Black Canary!"

"Ah. You heard about that."

"Ollie's a bit of a gossip."

"I'm not surprised." Clark crossed his arms and frowned. "Why do you want Linda to come? Can't you just explain it to her?"

"Well… usually I _would_, and she'd be okay with it, but, uh…" Flash rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Wally?"

"…well, uh… she was in my apartment putting up decorations and then she came with me Christmas shopping and then she thought we were having Christmas together which we were but I didn't like that she just thought that we were without talking about it with me and I may have implied – _implied_ – that she was being, uh… clingy."

Clark winced and hissed through his teeth in sympathy. "Ooo…"

Wally nodded. "Yeah… so, y'know, I know that she'll make me pay for it for a long time, but this might be a good way of _starting _my apology."

"All right, all right… she can come."

"She can? Awesome! Thanks, Supes." The speedster almost took off, but then paused before leaving. "Uh, be careful when you ask Diana about this. She seems a little mad today."

He shot off down the corridor, his scheming grin hidden from Clark's view.

The Man of Steel left the Santa hat on.


	8. Phase 5 Wonder Woman

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Phase Five: Wonder Woman**_

Superman almost bumped headlong into the oddly mild looking Amazon.

_What was Wally talking about?_

She gave him a wry smile, flicking the top of his Santa hat. "Enjoying the festive spirit, I see."

"Well, you know me."

"At this time of year? All too well." She smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"Nothing much. I was just wondering if you wanted to come a Christmas dinner for the original seven members."

She nodded, thinking about the idea. She didn't seem angry at all.

_Wally must have made a mistake._

She smiled. "I'd love to. When is it?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'm seeing who can come first before I reserve anything."

"Good idea. Is there anyone who can't come?"

"Not so far. Even Bruce is coming."

"Wow. That must have taken some doing."

"Not really. Just Alfred."

"Ah." She smiled. "It's a wonderful idea. I'd love to."

Clark cocked a curious eyebrow at the ease of the conversation.

_Wally must have meant **something** by it._

"Something wrong?"

"Hm? Oh, no, I just… thought you'd be more difficult."

As he saw Diana's gentility and kindness change into offence and anger, Superman cursed his inner Flash profusely.

"Why? Am I usually difficult?"

"W- I, no, I… um… IT'S FLASH'S FAULT."

Pulling off the most Flash-like move he could manage, Clark zipped off down the corridor at super speed.

Diana scowled, not sure who she should hurt first.


	9. Phase 6 Martian Manhunter

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Phase Six: The Martian Manhunter**_

"J'onn?"

"_Here."_

"It's Clark."

"… _is there some sort of emergency?"_

"Hm? Oh, no. I just wanted to know if…"

Clark paused.

"_Clark?"_

"I'm putting together a Christmas dinner for the original seven. I was just wondering if you were available."

"_Of course."_

Clark sighed in relief.

"_Were you expecting another answer?"_

"Well, no, but everyone else has been… well, it's been difficult."

"_I see."_

Silence filled the comm channel.

"_Clark?"_

"Yes?"

"_Do you know how to wrap presents?"_


	10. Customer Service

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Customer Service**_

"Hello, sir. How may I help you?"

J'onn checked from side to side to make sure his wife was nowhere to be seen.

"I would like you to wrap some presents, please."

He placed a large gift bag on the table. The clerk looked at him strangely. For a moment, J'onn thought his façade of a small Chinese man had faltered.

"Did you buy that here?"

"… is that a requirement?"

"It is here, yes sir."

"I will pay you to wrap it."

"Sir?"

"Cash. I will pay you cash to wrap this. Name your price."

"Um…" He thought for a moment. "Fifty dollars?"

J'onn nodded and pulled out his wallet. He paused. "Is that usual for this kind of service?"

"If you'd rather go somewhere else…"

"Fifty dollars, you said?"

"Yes sir."

J'onn handed over the cash, and the store clerk got to work.

"What colour, sir?"

"Colour?"

"For the paper?"

"Oh, I… red?"

The clerk considered him for a moment. "All right…"

"Is that a bad choice?"

"Oh no, not at all." He mumbled something and got back to wrapping.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear that."

"It's nothing, sir."

"You disapprove."

"Well, not totally, but-"

A thin, dignified man wearing a turtleneck sweater stepped around J'onn and to the counter. He looked over at J'onn.

"Excuse me, Mr J'onnz, but I'm afraid this man is trying to… swindle you."

The clerk was distraught by the implication. "Oh! I am not! I-"

"Oh, please. The only reason you don't want him to use red is because it's the cheapest you have. Now, I will thank you to return the money you practically _stole _from this man."

Muttering something under his breath, the store clerk handed over the fifty dollars to J'onn and irritably avoided their gaze.

Alfred turned to J'onn.

"Thank you, Alfred."

"Quite all right, sir. But really, if you were having trouble with wrapping your Christmas presents, there are many people who would have helped you for free."

"Not when the presents are intended for them."

"I was referring to myself, Mr J'onnz."

"Oh." J'onn paused. "Thank you."

"My pleasure, sir."


	11. Phase 7 Execution

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Phase Seven: Execution**_

Clark looked around the table. All things considered, everyone seemed to be having a good time. They had decided to have the dinner in the Watchtower refectory (so that secret identities weren't an issue), with Alfred kindly volunteering to cook a veritable banquet for them.

J'onn and Diana were talking contentedly, the Martian deftly avoiding the Amazon princess's solid-as-a-rock fruitcake. She would occasionally send death glares at Clark and Wally, but other than that she looked quite serene.

Vixen and Shayera traded embarrassing stories about John while the Green Lantern could only look on in crotchety old humbug-ness.

Linda tried her best to look like she was still mad at Wally, but failed miserably when he started doing a little tap dance number with two breadsticks.

The Man of Steel himself was talking to Ollie and Dinah, both of whom he was glad he had invited.

He enjoyed having them in the conference meetings much more than Aquaman.

However, one seat remained vacant.

In Batman's place was a small note simply saying 'Something came up'.

Later, after the dinner, the heroes and heroines danced to music, both slow and fast.

Clark felt decidedly awkward when Ollie insisted he dance with Dinah.

The archer and the speedster both did embarrassingly flamboyant dances to the more quick musical numbers, among them 'the robot' and 'the moonwalk'.

Their respective other halves pretended they weren't there.

J'onn was relying on Diana to get him dancing, since he genuinely had no idea what he was doing.

Clark made his way over to the Martian and the Amazon.

"Excuse me, Mr J'onnz, but do you mind if I have this dance?"

He smiled. "By all means."

Diana did not look pleased.

The two strongest people in the room swayed gently to the slow music.

"Are you going to forgive me before Christmas?"

"Maybe."

"I told you, it was Wally's fault."

"Blaming someone else? That's not very Superman-ly."

"But isn't that what Shayera said? 'If in doubt-"

"-'blame Flash'."

They smiled, and silence descended between them.

"Shame Bruce couldn't make it."

Diana shrugged. "Not really. He probably would have a put a downward spin on the party anyway."

Clark cocked an eyebrow.

"What? I'm just tired of making excuses for him."

"He does tend to wear you down after a while."

"Not as much as Flash, but yes, he does."

Wally's head whipped around. "Hey! I heard that!"

Linda pulled his head back around to look at her. "_Anyway_, what were you saying about making it up to me?"

"Oh yeah, well, I have a big thing planned."

She waited for more, but nothing came. "That's it?"

"That's all I'm telling you, yeah."

"You know I don't like surprise parties."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"I think I know what you like."

"Do you now?"

"Yup."

"What's my favourite breakfast cereal?"

"Lucky Charms."

"…dammit…"

She quickly changed the subject.

"So what time's your fundraiser for the orphanage tomorrow?"

"About nine."

"In the morning?"

"Well, nine at night's a little late for the kids."

"Don't get smart with me."

"I don't do 'smart'. I do 'smart_ass_'."

She sighed and shook her head. "Well, if it's that early, don't you think we'd better call it a night? It's coming up on midnight already."

"Oh, but, but… you said if I brought you here you'd uh… give me a little… sum'n sum'n…?"

"That was before I knew you were getting up early. Whose idea was this fundraiser anyway?"

"Oh, it's a big thing put together by-" He grinned. "Oh…"

"What?"

Wally giggled far too girlishly. "I know something they don't know…" he sang quietly.

"What?"

"I'll tell you, uh… if you, uh… you know…" he said, smiling smugly while he nodded slowly.

"Oh, nice Wally. Blackmail."

"I like to call it… Sexmail."

Ollie appeared from seemingly nowhere.

"What was that?"

Wally looked over at him. "Sexmail. It's when-"

Moving faster than Wally thought possible, Linda stepped between them. "No, no, don't need to have this conversation, thank you very much."

Ollie whined in protest. "But sexmail sounds so good…"

"Ollie! Stop harassing the nice couple!"

"I'm not, dear!"

"Then why does she look afraid of you?"

Wally pointed to his goatee and looked over at Dinah, who was on the other side of the room.

"It's the beard! It looks slightly satanic in nature!"

Arrow stroked it contemplatively. "It does?"

"Oh yeah. It's the way it's all pointy at the bottom."

Linda grabbed Wally's arm. "We need to go now."

"Why? The conversation-"

"-is exactly why we're leaving."

Wally sighed. "Okay… see you later. Hey Clark! Nice party!"

The Man of Steel gave him a satisfied thumbs up.

Ollie walked over to Superman.

"Does my beard look satanic to you?"


	12. Busy

Disclaimer: I don't own _Justice League Unlimited._

'_**Tis the Season**_

_**Busy**_

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the hero of Central City, without whom this fundraiser would not be possible… the Flash!"

A mighty roar went up from the crowd, and Wally stepped up to the podium and nodded at the Mayor graciously. Linda smiled. He loved this so much it was unhealthy.

He grinned. "Thanks, everybody. It's great to see so many people here to help the kids."

"You rock, Flash!"

"Thank you. But it's not all just because of me. No, there's a bigger power at work here, and I'd like to welcome him up. Ladies and Gentlemen, the man who's _really _responsible for this fundraiser, Bruce Wayne!"

Rather begrudgingly, Bruce made his way up, smiling politely for the crowd. He made his way to the Flash, and the two shook hands. As cameras clicked and lights flashed, they leant closer to each other.

"You missed a great party last night."

Bruce didn't say anything. They released each other, and the multi billionaire went up to the podium.

"Thank you, everyone. It's always heartening to see the people of any city come together for such a worthy cause. I'm afraid I won't be able to stay for the festivities, but I would just like to say that such a display is truly heartening, and makes me feel all the more in the Christmas mood. Thank you, everybody."

The crowd clapped, and more cameras went off. Bruce turned to Flash, nodded with the same fixed billionaire smile, and then went on his way.

Flash zipped over to him, keeping his head near the microphone. "Oh, come on, Mr Wayne. Can't you stay for one Christmas Carol by the kids?"

The smile said 'What a wonderful idea!', but the eyes said 'I will kill you for this'.

The speedster snapped his fingers, grinning. "Hey! I know. Why don't you join in? I've bet you've got a _great _singing voice!" He turned to the crowd. "What do you say, folks?"

They cheered, and Bruce began mentally listing different ways of torturing Wally West.

The multi billionaire stood with the rest of the children and was handed a book with lyrics. Flash stood in front of them all, tapping his foot to get the right rhythm. Suddenly, he seemed to think of something, and he zipped away. Before the crowd could even wonder where he went, he was back with a Santa Claus hat. He happily put it on Bruce's head, whose fixed smile was beginning to crack.

"Okay now, everybody! We're going to start off with an old classic. Jingle Bells! And how about, for fun, we put the old 'Batman smells' twist on the lyrics, huh?"

The kids yelled their approval.

As he began singing, Bruce's eyes were firmly locked on the grinning Flash.

They said 'You will pay for this'.

Flash's grin said 'Totally worth it'.

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(A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed individually as I usually do, but I'm putting this up in a hurry before I go away for Christmas. Needless to say, THANK YOU! It's very cool to see others enjoying my work.

Merry Christmas, folks. Have a Happy New Year, while you're at it.)


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